Clash of the Crustaceans
A lobster murder story, part II.
Guys, guys, guys…keep it cool. Play your cards right and you can BOTH be eaten.
They say you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Constantly comparing ourselves to others, wastes valuable time and precious energy. Instead of fixating on other peoples' lives, we should be focusing on our own unique gifts.
After all, we all have something to bring to the table.
****zen music and OM chanting interlude****
It’s hard to tell what I’m more full of; inner peace, bullshit, or lobster.
And this week the something that I’m bringing to the table is a lobster sandwich. And no one said anything about not comparing a lobster sandwich to a lobster sandwich. So buckle up, I’m about to make a lobster sandwich feel really bad about itself.
It’s fine. The lobsters in this comparison are already dead, so I can’t hurt their feelings (anymore).
This head to head (or rather, tail to tail) is three months in the making. Way back three months ago (or, in 2020 time, both seventeen years and only four days), we had Connecticut’s Hot Lobster Roll. Even taking into account that we had to commit crustacean murder in our kitchen, the sandwich rose to the top as a favorite, and Nate and I were like, “I’d absolutely murder a lobster again for that sandwich.”
And this week, we got to make good on our promise to kill another crustacean. In what feels like no time at all since we started a weekly sandwich journey through the U.S., we finally reached Maine on the list. Anyone who knows nothing about Maine knows they have lobster, so it came as zero surprise that Maine’s sandwich was the lobster roll.
How can a list have two lobster rolls? By being like Bryce Dallas Howard and Jessica Chastain. That is to say, slightly different from one another.
On the left is the red-headed actress who appeared in the movie The Help and on the right is the red-headed actress who appeared in the movie The Help.
First, let’s talk about what the sandwiches have in common. They’re both incredibly simple to make, they’re both served in hot dog buns, and (most importantly), they both have lobster as their main ingredient. Just like when a movie trailer opens with “A new movie by Christopher Nolan,” there’s no need to say anything more: I’m in.
The two main differences are the fats they’re combined with and the temperature at which they’re served. Connecticut’s is doused in butter and is served hot and Maine’s is tossed lightly in Mayo and served cold. Seemingly small things that make two vastly different sandwiches.
But in order to make a proper comparison, we had to actually try both rolls. As I stated earlier, we’ve already had the Connecticut Hot Lobster Roll, so now it all comes down to the Maine Lobster roll.
So on Sunday, we made our way back over to the Santa Monica seafood market and bought ourselves another lobster. The kiddo is afraid of lobsters, so I took one for the team and distracted him while Nate killed, steamed, and removed the meat from the lobster.
I’m awaiting my confirmation for sainthood. Expecting it any minute now.
It turns out, the lobster we bought was a pretty scrawny dude and yielded exactly enough meat for one of us to have half a sandwich. So we made an emergency trip to the store down the street where luckily, they were having a sale on lobster tails. It was a Labor Day weekend miracle! Crisis averted.
After the meat was all cooked, we mixed it with a little mayo, a little lemon juice, a little finely chopped celery, a little salt, a little pepper, and stuck it in the fridge until dinner. At dinner time, we toasted the bread and piled on the lobster and dug in. It was time to make the definitive lobster roll judgment.
What I lack in food styling, I make up with not caring about it.
In what must feel like a really rough defeat for a Sandwich with the home team (that is to say, freshly made and in our bellies) advantage, Maine loses this battle. The Connecticut Hot Lobster roll is clearly superior.
Lobster and butter go together like Wendy’s french fries dipped in a chocolate frosty. Sure, you can pair them with other things, but I’m pretty sure that God intended them to be together. Plus, it just makes more sense to serve cooked meat at a warm temperature. Cold, cooked meat just implies “leftovers.” And we all know there’s no such thing as “leftover lobster.” Who among us has that type of restraint?
No one and liars, that’s who.
Congratulations, Connecticut. When it comes to Lobster Rolls, yours is king.
Everyone ever who’s ever had lobster.
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